THE VANNIE DIARIES.
Thoughts and experiences of a semi naive and reasonably young lady as with regards to her life, her loves, her feelings and her dating disasters.

Friday, February 27, 2015

Hello MacBook Air ^.^



So... My mom bought me something ...
And well it's a good thing I had some moolah to buy a casing for my new pink love :)

Cat has an orange MacAir and I have a pink one :)

Good things come to those who wait.
Thank you God for this :)
I have been asking for it for quite a while and last time it wasn't time yet but thank You for listening to me and answering my prayers. 

I am very grateful.
I know I can't have everything NOW and I can't always get what I want because maybe it's not for me right now or maybe I would get something way better  and all I have to do is just ask for it and wait .
I know I sound like a spoiled person getting items that I asked for before .. But  I just want to say Thank You.


Wednesday, February 25, 2015

MacBook?

Hmmm.. My mom is going to buy me a MacBook ? Tomorrow?
I'll just have to wait and see.
I'm so excited!
I hope she gets me that big one not the tiny one . I would want to have a bigger screened computer though . 
I'll just have to give her the one I have now if ever she would buy me that computer that I want .

:)
So excited!
Oh please oh please oh please!!!

Monday, February 23, 2015

Missing cat

I miss my Cat a lot... 
He made me smile so much..


I know our relationship is far from perfect and we have some issues but then ..
We are trying to work things out..
I love my cat..
Flaws and all..

Tense

I havent been sleeping that well lately.
My mom often wakes me up because I make noises when I sleep.
No I'm not snoring but I grind my teeth .
"Pagot" in my dialect .
I don't know why that happens.
I mean I know I used to have this when I was younger and now it's back and it's not good to have something like this.
:(

Sunday, February 22, 2015

I miss you cat..

I miss you holding my hand..
And it's cute that we have a matching mole :)
I miss you so much .

*sighs*
It's not like cat can read this because he doesn't know about this blog.
But yeah.. I miss cat a lot..

Sunday :)

Thank You God for today :)
I spent my Sunday with my mom and my relatives and my super cute 6 year old cousin.
Food was good :)
I look fat. Ugh! Wrong angle. I am not that far.. Yiiiii!

My cousin Havie (silent H mind you)
He's my cutest kid cousin ever..
Can't believe how much he has grown in 3 years. 
He's so tall for his age.
His first language is English like me and he has difficulty in speaking in Filipino.
Unfortunately for me I sound so Filipino now. Cat said I have an accent.. (Everyone has an accent cat told me)
Hmm so my accent is bunny accent? 
At Max's
Yeah food was really really good. ;)
Chicken, shrimp sinigang, crispy pata and Uhmm I forgot the name of the veggie dish..


Late afternoon I hanged out with a friend . She accompanied me to order some food for my friend Deza's bf. Deza asked me to deliver some food stuff to her bf tomorrow since tomorrow is her bfs bday and since she isn't here she asked a favor that I buy and deliver her gifts.

What are friends are for?
:)
 
Eeek! I look so tan now..
Cat likes me to look tan. I'm kinda still thinking as to whether I like being tan or not.

I miss my cat..

Saturday, February 21, 2015

So stressed out

I am sick .
But this is just probably mental exhaustion. I'm trying so hard not to frown.
I've never experienced this before.
The stress is harder than the stress that I usually have before taking the bar..
My temperature is a bit high but I just need to sleep this off.

I talked to my mom about this .. My worries about cat.. She shared with me how it was like with my dad. So I asked her how she dealt with the stress. She told me not to think about it too much because thinking too much about it would make me go crazy.

I just feel so helpless. I want to atleast try to make cat feel less alone and that everything is going to be okay but how can you say that verbally .. And long distance.. And he's so fricking too far away from me to let him feel that he's not alone.

Mama said all men are alike and they need to be babied .. To be be reassured.. But my situation with cat is so different.. How do I do that long distance?
Damn.. I am so stressed out.
Cat just needs to go out and destress and then think what he should do next and he should pull himself together soon.
I hate seeing him this way.. 
I wish I knew what to do..


Strange..

So this is how a girlfriend feels like..
Can't sleep till he arrives home safely.
Worried about him often.
I'm trying not to be a nag.
I can't help it that I'm worried.
I just want him to be safe .
I'll be able to sleep well later on when I know he arrived home.
It's 6:04 am his time ..
*sighs*

-worried gf -

Friday, February 20, 2015

Why Every Girl Has That One Guy She’ll Always Go Back To

Note: I'd have to say that I can relate to some of what is written here.

------

Source: Elite Daily

 http://elitedaily.com/women/every-girl-one-guy-shell-always-go-back/939666/

What are you doing to yourself? You’re not like this. You’re a strong, independent, proud woman.

You’re not this weak thing. You’re not below the morals you’ve set for yourself and others so passionately. You are not this girl.

You know the truth, you just refuse to accept it. You willingly let yourself down. You let them call you a fool. You, yet again, put on the “stupid idiot” hat and leave for his place.

You leave with the same feeling you last went over there with… defeat. But, hey, at least you’re not as na├»ve as you once were, holding on to the idea of the night with the slightest bit of hope that this time would be different.

This time he will realize he loves you and finally stop hurting you.

But alas, there’s that nagging pit in your stomach again. The twitch in your heart as you recall the callousness in his voice when greeting you and the rushed goodbye as he pushed you out the door.

The (purposefully) missed cues you dropped to hang out tomorrow and the refusal to ask you, once again, about your life.

You think about the emptiness you felt in his bed. His arm may have been around you, but he was never near you. That feeling of wanting to drown yourself, but waiting for him to drown you first.

We keep telling ourselves he’s worth it — that this is what love is. Love is messy and complicated and full of heartbreak.

Love is wishing for someone who won’t give himself to you. Love is dramatic and unfulfilling. We tell ourselves we’re slaves to our hearts — not to him.

This is the plight of every woman who has a man she can’t let go of. We all have this one person. The one who treated us like sh*t and we couldn’t get enough.

The one who will never be who we want him to be, so we keep chasing him. The one who makes us cry then ignores our tears.

He’ll hurt you time and time again, but the pain seems worth it

You wouldn’t go back and put your hand on the stove again, or take another freezing cold shower — but you’ll go back to that pain.

You’ll inflict it on yourself time and time again. You tell yourself it’s worth it, that this is what it feels like to be in love.

But when you finally do fall in love with the right person, you’ll realize that love is the antidote to your pain. Only real love with the right person will heal the wounds this man left.


He’s the one who ruined your entire world with one text, but you still wait by the phone

His silence says as much as his words, and his texts are worth anyone’s weight in gold.

You keep your phone on just for him, every ring, every vibration, sends your heart up through your throat. But it’s never him and definitely never anything you wanted to hear.

His slow responses, his unanswered questions and his 2 am booty calls are just sad monuments to your defeat.


He’s crazy about everything except for you

He has no problem spending $500 on concert tickets or going out until 2 am before calling you. He’ll be damned, however, before he buys you dinner or stays in with you on a Friday night.

You don’t have to be more important than his passions, but you should at least be one of them.


He never feels the need to make excuses, so you do it for him

He never tells you why he didn’t call, so you tell yourself. He’s busy, he’s tired, he lost his phone. You’re his apology, his forgiveness and his makeup sex. Only he’s just experiencing the sex….


He won’t tell you the truth, but you’re always awaiting his next story

You know his stories are more full of sh*t than his apology texts (if you even get those), but you entertain them anyway. Maybe you like the drama or the attention, but either way, you’re watching a work of fiction.


You wake up thinking about him, but never next to him

You still think about him every day. You can’t open your eyes without letting your mind wander to your time together — his affection, his words.

You start dissecting him, over and over again, wondering why you’re not in his embrace right now. These mornings spent pining for him rather than embracing him are sad reminders that you’ll never be his.


He has no time for you, but you have all the time in the world for him

None of us are above stalking. I don’t care how strong you are, we all do it. Most likely, you don’t stalk him for the comfort it brings you. Your stalking is plain masochism.

This has prompted you to delete your Facebook, Instagram and Tinder multiple times.

From all these times, however, you can’t help but realize the one sad truth you can’t delete: It’s not that he doesn’t have time, he just doesn’t have time for you.


He’s the one you compare every subsequent guy to, but he never thinks twice about you

He’s on every date you go on and every bed you enter. He’s the guy you’re wishing was in the other guy’s place and wondering if you can call after this is all over.

He’s the one you want because he’s the one you can’t have. Chances are, if you find a way to let him go, you’ll start attaching to the good guys.

Stressed


When have I stopped becoming an I?
I guess being in a relationship would make you stop thinking about only yourself and you start worrying about the other person more.

I am a bit stressed right now since the person I care about is stressed about somethings that is happening with his life.

Since yesterday I have been getting a headache and I know that this stress isn't mine but I'm just feeling someone else's stress.

I feel helpless on what to do.
How can I do anything to atleast help him feel better? Being too far away makes it stressful. I don't know what to do.
I am trying to deal with the stress..
Trying now to frown ..

If things get super serious with us I would have to get used to this I guess.. 
I have only thought about just myself most of the time and now that I am in this relationship I would have to worry about another person. If we would work out this worrying would be on permanent basis . 
Am I ready for that?
It's a lot of hard work ..
I just wish I had a manual on what to do.
I do want to please him and make him feel better but right now I don't know what to do..